Dr. Joshua Todd gave this word on December 29, 2019. It hit me hard. To this day, it is the most powerful word I’ve heard since I was born again. It spoke to me as a victim of my past, and gave me hope for the future. In it he quotes a passage from Resurrection Day.
Now after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb.
Here’s a little transcription, starting around 26:00. It’s best to watch it for yourself. It’s powerful. He is talking about Matthew 28:1, when the Mary is on the road to go see Jesus’s tomb.
That’s the picture of somebody who has been restless all night long. The Bible says,”Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalms 30:5)Dr. Joshua Todd – December 29, 2019
Do you know why joy comes in the morning?
Because the night’s over.
Sometimes it’s a long night.
Oh, I’m ministering to somebody right now.
Sometimes it’s a long night.
You don’t see the glimpses or the glimmers of hope.
You don’t see anything or any way out.
And you are wrestling trying to find somewhere inside of yourself strong enough to not feel the way you feel.
You are trying to find rest and peace, but you are stuck in the long night.
This is the picture of these women.
We put everything on him.
Mary Magdalene – He’s the only one who said I was ever worth anything.
Stuck in their beds trying to figure out what to do.
All they have left is their dedication, their devotion.
Next morning, before dawn.
Listen, before dawn.
Before dawn they’re already on their way.
They meet dawn on the road.
This is the word for 2020.
It is the very tippy top part of dawn.
It is – not when you see the baby’s head, but right when the top part of the scalp comes through, where that which you were not able to see becomes visible for the very first time.
When all of the dark, and all the structures of the dark, have been hidden from your sight all of a sudden there’s just an anticipation that the old night is over.
The long night is finished.
Here comes dawn.
I went home that day replaying the message over and over in my mind.
The Restless Night
At 9:20 PM that night (Dec. 29), Holy Spirit told me to go on a walk. I don’t normally like to go out at night for safety reasons, but He was persistent and told me I would be safe.
I walked down to the pier with the dogs. I stood overlooking the water. It was quiet. I stood there for a while, not knowing why He led me there. I took a deep breath in, feeling all the anxiety and turmoil of the last week.
Days prior, I stumbled on a repressed memory of the night that my ex had strangled me and pulled out a gun threatening to kill either himself or me.
All week I had been struggling to accept the love of Jesus. I had been rejected by every man in my life – I had been rejected, raped, abused, mistreated. In my mind, I was unlovable. I was unworthy. I was unredeemable. Who was Jesus to try say otherwise?
The night sky was very dark.
I was about to turn and walk away, but I stayed a minute and felt the wind ruffle the hem of my dress and I heard the water lap at the shore.
The voice of the Lord is over the waters.
Then across the river, I saw a light from one of the churches shining just barely over the tips of the trees and it looked like the tippy top of dawn.
It brought me back to the restless nights, crying on bathroom floors, not knowing if I would survive until morning. Praying for dawn so that I would be saved from the torment of the night.
And suddenly I felt the hope of dawn in 2020 like an absolute certainty. The last week had been my restless night. I felt like I would be restless for two more days, but if I made it to New Years Day, I had the promise of dawn from God in the New Year. That the next two days of restlessness were part of His plan for deliverance.
I didn’t know if He was going to heal me on the first of the year, but I knew that life wasn’t going to be the same as it was tonight. Something huge and transformative was coming.
The next morning (Dec. 30), Holy Spirit woke me up at 6:19 AM. I was excited to be up early to start my knitting. I planned to knit Christmas gifts while listening to my first run-through of the Bible.
But instead, He told me to go on a walk.
I huffed and puffed. I didn’t want to go on a walk. Then he told me it was a walk on the beach, and I huffed and puffed some more. I didn’t feel like getting myself and the dogs wet and sandy.
But, I was obedient. I got dressed and leashed up the pups. It was still dark out, but the sky was turning purple. The dawn was coming.
When I got to the beach, everything was gray. There was heavy cloud cover and so I wondered why He sent me to the beach if I wasn’t going to be able to see the sunrise past the clouds.
I started walking with the dogs down the beach, turning back every once in a while to see if the sun broke the horizon. I started to see a pink sliver break right above the horizon.
There were still heavy clouds, so I kept walking. Then, at 7:08 AM, the sun rose above the horizon and cast a pink glow over the Earth. A high wind pushed the clouds out of the way and revealed a beautiful pink dawn. The sea was calmed and flat.
The presence of God overwhelmed me. His glory radiated over everything.
Last night, He showed me a picture of my restless night. And instead of waiting until New Years for His promise of the Dawn of Deliverance, He was revealing it to me today.
The night was over, and dawn was here.
It felt like that sunrise was just for me. The beach was empty. I’d never seen a sunrise like it, before or since.
It had been raining for days, and it was the first glimpse of the sun I’d seen since I’d been restless.
Stormy skies and tumultuous waves gave way to a pink glow over the earth, and a supernaturally calmed sea. The world was pink from 7:08-7:16 AM. Eight minutes before the glow disappeared back into the gray world it was before.
I was going to head back home, but Holy Spirit said to keep walking. I wasn’t sure what else He wanted to show me.
I found a spiral shell.
I love spirals. I look for them any time I’m at the beach.
I was a math nerd in high school, and fell in love with spirals and the Fibonacci Sequence. Here is a cool video about why spirals are so cool.
I kept finding shells. I got the signal to turn around on my walk, and I found my 4th shell. Four had been the number God has been sending me as confirmation that I’m on the right path. I hoped that I wouldn’t find any more shells, because I wanted it to be significant.
I kept walking. When I found a 5th shell, I was disappointed. It wasn’t getting the confirmation I thought it was.
Maybe if He sent me five, He was increasing my favor beyond my normal 4.
I expected to go home with 5 shells. But then I found another, and another. And then I thought, if He sends me one more, that will be 8! Double Portions.
I was getting closer to the end of the walk, and I became convinced that He would send me one more. There was no way He was letting me leave the beach with 7. And sure enough, right before I ended the walk, I found the 8th shell.
I walked up to the lifeguard stand to take a picture of them, praying that I had counted right, or I would be really disappointed. I pulled the shells out of my fanny pack one by one and set them along the railing.
Not only were there 8 shells, but there were 4 of each kind. Double Portions.
8 shells and 8 minutes of a radiant pink glow.
2020 was bringing a promise of the Dawn of Deliverance, and double portions and blessings beyond what we can imagine.