All day, the enemy had been putting me through the wringer. Torment has been coming from all directions. Fear, accusation, condemnation. The whole gambit.
I tried everything. I’d been reading the Bible all day. Praying in the spirit. Dancing. Worshipping. Telling the enemy to go.
It seemed like the enemy had me stuck in my soul, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get in the spirit. I had the form of being spiritual without the fruit.
I went to Walmart to buy a pack of gum, and while there I got a surprise assignment to help a little old lady. After being obedient, I got in the car and Holy Spirit gave me an album to listen to and the moment the music hit my ears, the dam that had been building all day burst open in a flood of tears among the presence of God’s love.
Recently, I’ve been feeling self-conscious about how much I cry.
But the truth is, I can’t be in God’s presence without the magnitude of His love breaking my heart in the most beautiful possible way.
I’ve seen so much darkness and been on the receiving end of so much hatred that the love of God wrecks me every time. His love is so beautiful and so foreign that tears are the natural response.
How can I experience something so beautiful and not cry?
He touches the deepest, darkest wounds with a healing touch that puts the broken pieces back together better than it was before.
That’s how good He is.
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.”
1 John 4:18-19
I’ve been afraid my entire life. I’ve been well acquainted with darkness. I’m well acquainted with torment. When I first experienced the perfect love of God, I knew that there is nothing I wanted more than more of Him. More of His presence.
When Abba shows up, the darkness flees. In Him, there is love and safety and security and trust. In Him there is everything good. In Him, I am loved and cherished.
I am His.
Nothing in this world is more precious than His company.