I was walking into Freedom Ministry Level 2 (Power of Holy Spirit) and I went up and hugged someone.
“Are you ready for freedom?!” I asked.
“Yea, but I don’t know what’s going on,” they replied. I laughed.
“That’s good! Keep going!” I said.
The interaction brought so much joy to my heart. I looked back at when I’d first started attending FreedomHouse, less than 2 years ago. I’d had the same thought, “I don’t know what’s going on.”
If I’m really being honest, I still don’t, but I’ve become more comfortable with not knowing. Most times when I feel like I’ve got a handle on what’s happening, I’m really just operating in pride, which is delusion. Anytime I start thinking I’ve got things “figured out,” my fathering leader comes and faithfully pops my bubble, and I get back to realizing I have no idea what’s going on.
Most times, sonship feels like a trust fall into destiny that takes years and years. You follow a leader who is following Christ, and instead of falling back and knowing there’s a person there to catch you, you fall forward and an unseen God catches you. The contact with Abba Father transforms you, and you become a little more of who He created you to be.
On my pathway, I rarely knew where I was going or why I was doing the things I was doing. All I knew was that God had brought leaders into my life, and I had a bunch of prophetic words saying to trust them.
Each test of submission and obedience kicked up a hell storm of fear, anxiety, depression, insecurity, pride . . . Dr. Don says the enemy will do whatever it takes to stop you. The only way forward is to overcome.
I had human leaders, but each storm presented an opportunity to know God in a new way. And each storm presented a challenge that required increasing levels of grace.
“God, I can’t do this without you.”
“Daughter, here’s grace to overcome.”
“God, I’m afraid.”
“Daughter, here’s my perfect love to cast out fear.”
“God, I need you.”
“Daughter, I’m here.”
The tests of submission were challenges that I couldn’t overcome without divine intervention, and He showed up every time. But He only had room to do that when I opened the door. When I trusted Him to do what He promised. When I surrendered the problem to Him.
Sometimes assignments came from leaders, sometimes HS was leading me to talk to a stranger. But each time I was obedient, I received grace to overcome. And that overcoming broke off fear and doubt and insecurity. Being obedient transformed me.
In the Level 2 session, a powerful preacher and prophet spoke about how God already has a strategy for us to become who He created us to be so we can accomplish our purpose. That pathway looks like a trail of little tests of obedience that transform us into the person who can achieve our ultimate purpose.
Do I know what that looks like? Not a chance.
But I can see who I am today and how much freedom I’ve gotten, and see how the last 2 years of obedience have been the cause. At FreedomHouse, they say that we should only thank leaders for their obedience. I used to think that was minimizing them, but now, having walked through a difficult journey, I see how thanking someone for their obedience is a high level of honor.
It’s not easy to be obedient to God. Most times it feels like you’re dying for a really long time until you see breakthrough. But that breakthrough and the joy of the Lord is so precious. God’s character is revealed in the darkness – in the surrender. It’s when we lay down our lives on the altar that we trade who we are for a glimpse of who He is. He’s worth it every time.
